My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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