Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He better not be in your backpack
i've created a new STD.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
