it hurts more in the daytime
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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