Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
