How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
