Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Text me some of your sweat
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
