I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
