I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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