you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
