Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize