if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
