margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize