Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
