I seem to have left my pride at pride
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
