He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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