I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
