Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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