my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
