Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need moral support for this bender
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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