dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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