You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
