oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
