she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you traded sex for a burrito?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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