i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
