I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize