There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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