guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
