I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
