Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My pussy is not your playground.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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