I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
