I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
