the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
