I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
