I CAN MOONWALK!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
