i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize