I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
