I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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