I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize