i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
