I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize