he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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