so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
