Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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