Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
