My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Randomize
