What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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