I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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