You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
