How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
