dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
