I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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