if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
