I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
