I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
