It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize