It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
