dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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