farters have to be the big spoon...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
