He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
