ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
