it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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