i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize