what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
