We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
