Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
