it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
whose parrot is this?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
