You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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