I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
