My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
