Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
