we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
