Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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