I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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