I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
