I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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