He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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