I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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