bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
