Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
