Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
