I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
