sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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