I wannas sexs uuuuu
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
