just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
