Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
