This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
