..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
