Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
