Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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