I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
