I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize