Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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