Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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