Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
