So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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