i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
