There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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