I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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