The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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