I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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