Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
