The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I want a musical about memes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
