Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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