porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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