The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
